Tag Archives: fear

New Days Ahead

 

A new journey can be so frightening and intimidating. As I step into being a homeschool mom while still balancing my work and Pastor’s wife, I look back to how I put off this commitment and journey for a year because of fear.

What if we lived our lives afraid of what might be? Or in my case, a fear of failing my children and loss of time to complete things I want and need to do. Being led by fear or insecurity will just lead to a life of regret and what if’s. For me, that is not something I am willing to live with in the least. PUSH!MOVE ON! COMMIT! LOOK FOR THE GOOD TO COME!

How do we do this in our lives? There are times we need to pull back and just get rid of the noise. Oh, how I love the tv off and total silence. Take some time to reflect, pray and the key to it all…listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit.  How do you know the voice of the Lord? Spend time with him and cut out a few things that keep your mind & heart full of noise. This alone will change things drastically in your life, and you will be able to hear the direction for your life.

Having a willing heart that wants to want to please the Lord and walk the walk he has prepared for you will drastially change things in our lives. I had to be wiling to listen, lay down my own ways & pursue what HE has for me. With this comes a grace to be able to do what you would not be able to in your own strength. 

As we come upon the end of the week I am so surprised about the ease of stepping into being a homeschool mom. I still have to learn how to balance a bit, but the peace and joy as I teach the girl has been something I wasn’t prepared for while teaching. I thought it would be an ok God, I will do this because you said so. HA! That wouldn’t be God’s best now would it? Nope. He says if you listen to my voice I will direct your steps. He promises to not put anything on us that we can’t walk through, and that we will be graced to do along with His super on our natural. 

So whatever it is that you are delaying,decided today to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit. Take time in your quite place to hear from Him then take the step. He will direct your path!

 

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Don’t Give Up

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I have walked through one of the most difficult times to date in my life. In short I had foot/ankle surgery 7 weeks ago. I just knew I would be back to it, the daily routine and being my ever so busy bee self within 2 weeks. Here we are 7 weeks later and I am still not walking and haven’t driven in months. I am literally learning to walk all over again and this process is so painful at times. Can you hear the screams on the inside? What? Are you kidding me? I am not going according to “my” pace? Not to mention I have to receive help, key word receive not resent the fact I must have help.

One of the key factors of the above paragraph is pride. I had no idea that was in my heart, I know I don’t ever feel I exalt myself above another. I without a doubt just know I have it together and that has been rooted out years ago. Clearly this isn’t the case.

The first few weeks I was totally 100% relying on my husband to do everything. Our church kindly provided meals for the first few weeks, thank the Lord for this or we would have starved. This is important to know because in the past I wouldn’t do that on any level. You know the “I can handle it,” “someone else needs that above me,” and the all to common “I just don’t want to bother anyone.” P-R-I-D-E!

In no way does our Heavenly Father do something to harm us, it would go against His nature (everything good, perfect, noble, kind and so on). However, I have learned he will allow a hardship, trial and test to show us what is in our heart. To root it out and grow us, which is for our benefit because He loves us so much.

Being in the 7th week of this process (which in retrospect of the rest of my life isn’t that much) I have learned to just trust my Father that He will protect me. Also, that everything will be completed and taken care of if I am not always involved. After all I am a Pastors wife and isn’t it my job to make sure all the t’s are crossed and i’s are dotted? NO!!! I have learned that my girls will be ok and they actually LOVE to help if I will give them the opportunity. Also, do not worry how others see you, I have in the past felt I needed to “look together” and be able to handle anything thrown my way always with grace. Well news flash, I have found I don’t and that is what makes this so perfect, it gives God the ability to show Himself strong on my behalf. Lastly, Josh, my ever so kind husband, I didn’t realize I have felt I didn’t want to let him down and look “weak”. Wow, what a mistake that was, because I was not giving him the opportunity to be strong for me and stand in the gap. I could go on and on but you get the point.

Pride will keep us from the blessing of letting others close into our lives. We will lose the ability to receive love by letting others in and be a blessing. Meekness isn’t weakness, but power under control.

I found is so interesting when my mom-in-law drove from Oklahoma this week to cook us dinner, I just set there. She mentioned to me that 3 months ago I wouldn’t even let her in my kitchen. WOW!!! That is years of behavior wiped out in this 7 week difficulty. To my amazement I could not believe how much change had happened in my heart.

It is important to mention during this time I have continued to seek Him through, loads and loads of teaching, reading my word and many great books and of course prayer.  I knew if  I just kept my heart open to what God wants to show me then I would overcome this very hard season in mine & my family’s life. Making the choice of getting into a place of why me, why can’t it be someone else or just giving up and letting “life” just do what it will (which is chance not faith in Jesus) will not help you to overcome. Just keep your Spirit open to all God has for you and let him transform you.

In conclusion, I have learned that often times God  will use people to show us love. If we are to busy (prideful) to not receive the help, care & support, we keep people/God our Father at the same arms length. I never knew this was part of my nature I had developed I believe as a child; with the loss of my father & abandonment of my mother. It is so important to just let those things go, they can help shape you into all God has called you to be. I am no where close to where I want to be, but I am not where I once was in my heart. God can use every situation to totally transform your life. Our job is to keep walking, don’t give up, walk in the love of God and his grace & forgiveness. Don’t Give Up!

 

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